Am fae Glasgae mah wee jimmeh...
So I spent all of last week up in Glasgow doing a bit of training.
It's in Scotland for those of you who don't know where it is and live in Europe.
It's those funny sounding people from 'Braveheart' for those of you who don't know where it is and live in Yanksville.
Twas good. Sound people. Swear like murfuckers though. Fuck this and fuck that. Some of them are built like french shithouses. I could 'av 'em though. Easy. :look:
Anyway, Wednesday evening, I was a likl bit tired. Twas freezing outside and I couldnt be arsed going out. So I thought I'd have my evening meal in the hotel.
Looked at the menu. Scanned fer veggie dishes.
"Glamorgan Burger with Chips: A vegetable and cheese burger served plain or topped with cheese...blah blah...mmm...so tasty...mmm....blah blah...and chips"
Yum. Chips.
Waited 20-odd minutes fer Sue the chinese waitress to bring me my feast. Couldnt wait.
Now a word of advice. Well two words of advice actually. Never eat at the end of service and never eat near the kitchen door.
The chef had finished for the evening and came out to watch all his fine work devoured by the punters.
Now initially, he missed out on watching me screw up my face on seeing his 'Glamorgan Burger' but he wasn't going to miss out on the pleasure of watching me eat it.
Fuck me. This smells like shit. Do I have to eat this? He's watching me. I can't. Think i'm gonna puke. Down some coke. I don't wanna puke. Oh please god not here. It's embarrassing. He's watching. I cant eat this. Just walk away. Down some more coke. Take a bite. I cant walk away. He's watching. He'll mess up the only good thing at this hotel If I walk away. Breakfast. Its got a couple of twigs on it man. Take a bite. Twigs?! Who the fuck eats twigs?! At least try to look as if youre enjoying it. *fake smile* But it smells like shit. Oh god im eating shit. This is actually shit. He's feeding me actual shit. And he knows it. Im eating his shit. Sick bastard.
20 minutes later. Back in my hotel room....
Ill spare you the details.
More later.
Now you may mock my piss poor attempts at blogging of late. But as with all of my posts, theres a certain amount of wisdom in them, a lesson to be learnt or a deep philosophical question to be posed.
Yeh I know, im just awesome like that.
Anyway, point is, some of you, though not all of you, may get the chance to get married in the future. And when you do, you'll prolly keep yer wives locked in the kitchen. As you should.
One day, this wife of yours, will be bored, and may sadly, think it very romantic of her to 'experiment' with your food.
You come home. She produces 'Shite a la Sauce Tomate' on a plate.
Question is...What are you gonna do?
A) Eat it, like the whupped pussy boy you are, in fear of not getting any loving that night?
B) Throw it back at her, tell her not to mess with yer food and then lay the smackdown on her?
Make your choice...
Cheers.
It's in Scotland for those of you who don't know where it is and live in Europe.
It's those funny sounding people from 'Braveheart' for those of you who don't know where it is and live in Yanksville.
Twas good. Sound people. Swear like murfuckers though. Fuck this and fuck that. Some of them are built like french shithouses. I could 'av 'em though. Easy. :look:
Anyway, Wednesday evening, I was a likl bit tired. Twas freezing outside and I couldnt be arsed going out. So I thought I'd have my evening meal in the hotel.
Looked at the menu. Scanned fer veggie dishes.
"Glamorgan Burger with Chips: A vegetable and cheese burger served plain or topped with cheese...blah blah...mmm...so tasty...mmm....blah blah...and chips"
Yum. Chips.
Waited 20-odd minutes fer Sue the chinese waitress to bring me my feast. Couldnt wait.
Now a word of advice. Well two words of advice actually. Never eat at the end of service and never eat near the kitchen door.
The chef had finished for the evening and came out to watch all his fine work devoured by the punters.
Now initially, he missed out on watching me screw up my face on seeing his 'Glamorgan Burger' but he wasn't going to miss out on the pleasure of watching me eat it.
Fuck me. This smells like shit. Do I have to eat this? He's watching me. I can't. Think i'm gonna puke. Down some coke. I don't wanna puke. Oh please god not here. It's embarrassing. He's watching. I cant eat this. Just walk away. Down some more coke. Take a bite. I cant walk away. He's watching. He'll mess up the only good thing at this hotel If I walk away. Breakfast. Its got a couple of twigs on it man. Take a bite. Twigs?! Who the fuck eats twigs?! At least try to look as if youre enjoying it. *fake smile* But it smells like shit. Oh god im eating shit. This is actually shit. He's feeding me actual shit. And he knows it. Im eating his shit. Sick bastard.
20 minutes later. Back in my hotel room....
Ill spare you the details.
More later.
Now you may mock my piss poor attempts at blogging of late. But as with all of my posts, theres a certain amount of wisdom in them, a lesson to be learnt or a deep philosophical question to be posed.
Yeh I know, im just awesome like that.
Anyway, point is, some of you, though not all of you, may get the chance to get married in the future. And when you do, you'll prolly keep yer wives locked in the kitchen. As you should.
One day, this wife of yours, will be bored, and may sadly, think it very romantic of her to 'experiment' with your food.
You come home. She produces 'Shite a la Sauce Tomate' on a plate.
Question is...What are you gonna do?
A) Eat it, like the whupped pussy boy you are, in fear of not getting any loving that night?
B) Throw it back at her, tell her not to mess with yer food and then lay the smackdown on her?
Make your choice...
Cheers.
posted by PLOPS at 9:30 PM
3 Comments:
Assalamu alaykum
lol. Plops, if he can mess up a veggie burger to the point that is smells like somethign before it got white and crispy on the pavements...how can you hope for something better in the morning? A good breakfast at the price of eating poo.
Did you happen to be the only brown face in the hotel? If so..don't you think he'd know who ordered the veggie meal? ;)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
lol.. i think its safe to say you wont be returning there in a hurry anytime soon..
hahahahaha... oh well.. gota try things once and all that crap!
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