Yeh...
Thought I'd update you guys on stuff that's been happening to me in the last week or so...read it only if you're interested...If you're not interested...fuck off by pressing ALT + F4...cheers...
1) Mr 'A' thought I was a GP. He took his shoes and socks off for me to have a look at his crusty toes. Nice.
2) Mrs 'W' liked my hair...
3) I want one of these badboys...saw it in Dixons...CLICK QUICK! ...:drool:...and don't come to me wi' the 'TV is haram' spiel...you love it really...admit it...
4) Bastard Islamica pissed me off a few times.
5) Train fares have gone up...again. Thieving gits.
6) I went to a 'halal' takeaway...Ordered a 'Meat Feast' pizza...Took it back to work...Realised that there were little squares of pink meat on it...Binned the pizza...Rang the takeaway...You have to remember that it's run by a bunch of Turkish immigrants...Probably illegal...You can also have your phone unblocked there for a fiver...or even buy a new one...for a fiver. Dodgy bastards.
Never going there again...I'll stick to my McDonalds...thank you very much...Does such a thing as 'chicken ham' exist?...
In next weeks episode: Mr 'R'...the Mute.
Cheers
1) Mr 'A' thought I was a GP. He took his shoes and socks off for me to have a look at his crusty toes. Nice.
ME: Diagnosis? Well...erm...crusty toes. Obviously.
2) Mrs 'W' liked my hair...
Mrs 'W' : I like your hair...
Me: ...erm...thanks...
*long pause*
Mrs 'W': Can I stroke it?
Me: Yeh, sure why not...
*strokes hair*
Mrs 'W': Smooth...
Me: chyeh...it is, isn't it...
(Must point out that Mrs 'W' is 72 years old)
3) I want one of these badboys...saw it in Dixons...CLICK QUICK! ...:drool:...and don't come to me wi' the 'TV is haram' spiel...you love it really...admit it...
4) Bastard Islamica pissed me off a few times.
5) Train fares have gone up...again. Thieving gits.
6) I went to a 'halal' takeaway...Ordered a 'Meat Feast' pizza...Took it back to work...Realised that there were little squares of pink meat on it...Binned the pizza...Rang the takeaway...You have to remember that it's run by a bunch of Turkish immigrants...Probably illegal...You can also have your phone unblocked there for a fiver...or even buy a new one...for a fiver. Dodgy bastards.
Monkey: Hello *blank* Peeza
ME: *deep voice* Hello, Yeah I'd like to order a pizza...
Monkey: veech van?
ME: erm...meat feast...what toppings do you put on it?
Monkey: meat...you know...schicken...beef...pepperoni...ham...donner...all...
Me: wait...did you say HAM?!!...
Monkey: yes...ham...
ME: but..but...you sed it 'alal!...
Monkey: *pause*...yus...it is halal...
ME: you have halal ham?...
Monkey: its schicken ham...
ME: riiiight...I'll call you back in two minutes...
*click*
N.B. Some names may have been changed to protect the identities of all those involved
Never going there again...I'll stick to my McDonalds...thank you very much...Does such a thing as 'chicken ham' exist?...
In next weeks episode: Mr 'R'...the Mute.
Cheers
posted by PLOPS at 10:46 PM
3 Comments:
I SAW TWO WHOLE TANKS AND HALF AN ISRAELI SOLDIER! I SWEAR I SWEAR!
Anyways, how you do? You are ze fine? What you say? HA? You are ze fine?
I've been brushing up on my fob skills. Dude as I sit here and type this random rant there's this guy and this girl sitting next to me and he's hitting on her and she's giggling and he is making the cheeeeeeeeeeesiest comments, I mean, fromage from france is seething with envy, like really really cheesy, not the regular kind the smelly blue kind.
What can I say in response to this situation. WELCOME TO BALESTEEN! And try to suppress my giggles because I don't want to be rude.
Anyhoo, take care and all that. *shaves your hair and mails it to herself and then sells it to an old bald man*
Salam. :-D
Assalamu alaykum
Chicken. Why didn't you go to the shop and show them the pizza???
Excellent, love it! » »
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